♥ Drama Queen ♥

Sunday, December 29, 2013

my TOF weekend

salams frm the tastebudless susuafifi!

i started my TOF weekend about 30odd kilometres away frm Putrajaya..
as i had a fine walk to class with my beloved bestie.

saturday class is not a misnomer in medical school boohoo.

so i said,
how am i going to compete with Hidayah?
she replied,
ur Afifah!

tht honestly,
took my breath away.
as far as 'don-get-stuck-to-moments' go.
its nice to noe tht people value u.
its nice.

eventhough as i was reminded,

its nice.
and i cant help if i feel the niceness du i?

i then proceeded to a sneeze frenzy tht day,
which then lead me to the rooms of the doctors today.
which laid me on the bed for most part of the day.
making me miss the most anticipated wedding of the yr!

but all in all,
wen i was sad the past few months,thinkin tht i cudnt go for Twins of faith,
Allah answered my sadness,
He knew best.

thank u Allah. #alhamdulillah

Friday, December 20, 2013

Mujahadah tersendiri

as i scrolled down my instagram,
i saw my new US friend hu reiterated how the muslims around her place give her tht weird look when she walks by bcos shes a newbie. newbie to the fashion, newbie to the religion.
she just reverted.

so i replied,
u don need to b a revert to get tht,
anyone can give u tht look,
even in muslim countries.

then i smirked to myself.
(in the most refletive way my life could possibly be)

mujahadah ku.

i continued scrolling.

then i met this post, quoting tawfique chowdry's line,
"the satan will not allow u to go for ur first step, bcos he is afraid of the amount of energy Allah will give u as support after ur first step"

my smirked turned into a smile.

its these little things tht keep u back onto the track.
whenever i feel a drift,
i ask to be returned.
i feel gettin away and away.

but little did i c,
even when i feel tht "im all alright"
have i strayed away and away too.


if we reflect,
on ourselves,
what we go thru daily,
we can only find tht Allah really is the Ultimate Lover.

AS i felt my back wanting to break into two while i presented earlier this week,
there was no reason for such a pain, as i had rehearsed the same old steps on the same patient before the presentation infront of my peers just a couple of hours before tht.
then i found my flaw.

it just showed how big of a deal the connection we have with Allah,
miss it once,
and imagine,
thts wht u feel,
what if Allah really did let my back break while i was lifting my patient's leg?
but He didnt.

as i walked back to my car,
i took a different route back,
as today was my off day from the wards, 
(bcos we finished wards late yday night)
(but i had a tonne of errands to run anyways)
in my white coat,
i actly did some shoppin in the hospital today.
never have i had tht luxury before this,
so as i continued walking slowly,
this aunt who was selling looked up and greeted me,
"Assalamualaikum Puan Doctor,"

i just smiled back,
ameen wasalam.

***That mind of a strong woman.***

IN her mind it raced,
the thought of hate,
the thought of being under the conquer of a man

to the whims and fancies of a man
to the stroke of man's ego,
the weakness of emotions of a woman,
the dependency on to another being called man.

but as races went,
it faded out,
it rushed through
just like how closes death each step we take.

so did new thought arise,
the continuity of ummah,
the passing of knowledge
the mahabbah of islam
the encompassing of mankinds' care n love.

for now,
only supplications of love,
of protection,
of blessing,
for him who she was made for.
from Whom Who Made Her and Them.



kertas kerja orang baik

salam jumaat at 3am.

it has been a long week.
stress up,
and back down.

n i said, (without feeling) this is only a student;s life.
but my heart seemed to be apeace with it.
but not tht i everted away from mengadu-ing to my Allah.

and He then reminded me.
thats my call.

and so does my bed,
not sure if i can really function anymore.
and for some reason, kinda sad my usrah chgd its topic tmr.
was really looking forward to hadith discussion.

husnu zon terhadap kebaikan!

and confidence levels will b up!

syafakillah to my bestie mimi.!


Monday, December 16, 2013

Mahasiswa Cemerlang

As cliche,
and formal the topic goes,

this weekend was a good one,

so salams from the rather exhausted participant.
"emotions are infectious"
as my friends slept on me during the second slot of today's camp thingy majiggy..i was wide awake n fully attentive to the presentation up on stage..
but later,
during one of the hypnosis sessions,
i actly felt sleep, a deep one on my own shoulders.

but all thru all,
as the organisers reminded us again n again to betulkan niat,
i m quite confident i got what i had intended this weekend.
and tht exhaustion is a mixture of infectiously transmitted by the kelenaan of zarra on my lap n mimi on my shoulder...haha..
but i noe how tired they were,
with less than 4 hours of sleep,
last night's programme ending past midnight and this morning's qiyam..
alhamdulillah n lucky them all!
dapat byk pahala!
while u noe hu was home as my moms not well.
exhausted jugak driving up n down from my home to msu and back and forth buying food n stuff for my parents,,phewww..
reflecting back, now i noe how it felt for my mom to fetch me (on nearly a daily basis) from her college to assunta...oooh.

minus the lil flaws they had,
i had a good bonding time with mimi,
new people and future mbbs students (hu repeatedly asked me,susah x mbbs?)
which earlier on preceeded with, "akk mbbs?" with tht quizzical disbelief face,
which i then replied with, "xde muka mbbs ek?"

for a weekend, i actly forgot the worries of mbbs,
i forgot i was a serious medical student,
i was reminded what uni life is all about,
i was reminded, i m no more tht young kid,
i was actly a fourth yr student,
which in other courses translated to their final yr students.
a yr till graduation,
well, i really du look forward to 2014, for me to finally answer the question,
"when r u graduatin"
with the answer,"next yr" *with a huge plastered grin*

tht grin..

i cant do nothing about tht,
i already imagine me on my wedding day,
as the nikah goes in the masjid,
as Maria Elena "yesssses fist!", i imagine a suria wide big fat grin XDDDD


"oh when the time comes, kiss me slowly"

Mahasiswa Cemerlang.
it was one heck of a weekend.
as i was reminded  i m a kakak

wat more awesome is wen i cud actly praise the ustaz's slot.

back to wards tomoro.

eh wait,

Sometimes when the path ahead is cloudy & unclear, all you have to do is sit tight with Tawakkal, and let Him pilot your life to clearer skies. The ride won't come without turbulence, but with Him at the helm, you'll never fall.

"And whoever is conscious of Allah - He will make for him a way out (from every difficulty)" (Surah at-Talaq, 65:2)

alhamdulillah for the weekend!

Friday, December 13, 2013

hello there awak, i noe u.

lets be alone together,
we can stay young forever.

as a friend of mine from the imfigement of imagination once asked me about the triavias of fourth yr, as do i ask of her third yr n beyond,
my answer,
"i don watsapp neither do i hold converstaions with my fav person,tht is how busy i "
and she understood quickly.

so when new challanges come up,
and i turned them down,
i slowly pujuk my heart,
pacify it tht this has been written for me,

and wen i was given the chance to be with my loved one this weekend, it seemed as happy as ever.
but hu m i to choose?

as the day dissolves into night,
my eyes grow rings of weight i have left long time ago.
it has come to visit me again,
as i had asked from my Guardian, my Creator.
this time,
a new form.
something familiar,
yet a maybe 2.0 version id say,

threading on the fact tht Allah only tests those hum He loves,
i feel a chug of ball stuck just below the epiglottis as it had earlier today.

as a bifocal,
or shall i say multifocaled lens in the God gifted pair of eyes,

i remain to distract myself away.
as my feet can bring me away,
so can my heart.

as sadness shroud,
i am confident,
stormy weathers never last.
i will.

i will miss these days.
just how i miss being close to my bestie.

as a five yr old soul tht might lurk in the dark corners of my life,
i will trample it over,
just like a metamorphed butterfly,
my wings shunted together over the windy storms of the monsoon,
but soon to be lifted by the cooling winds and warm embrace of love.

for now.
i may need to be just like how i grew up.

When sunshine lost its rays

Just kiss me slowly.
The clouds came over to cool her down,
As they blew her face,
And shed tears to console her gloomy self,
The stars came out to play.

And she said,
Just stay with me.
Stay with me,

But when the time came,
The moon came to play and like lovers that have never met, but destined to love each take their roles.

The sun then asked,
What happens when the time came the helium runs out and my hydrogen doesn’t react?

The moon then replied,
It doesn’t matter,
U started without it,
U will end  without it,
As long as u return to the One hu created you.

The sun then danced thru.
The rain tht soon dried,
The land tht began to flourish with the rains' seeds,
It dint seem to matter anymore.

The sun then realised,
It was made a thousand miles away,
And even further from the lands,
The distance had a meaning,
And it followed its due course,
As the Creator did,
The wind need not blew her to comfort,
Neither did the rain need to tear for her,
Because she knew,
She had an ulterior purpose.
Even if her rays grew warmer,
Or paled out lik the gases tht ran out,
She has a Creator,
A Creator tht fixed what's due east and west.
A Creator that the Most Wisest and The Most Knowledgeable,
When time finally came to an end,
She would only need to answer to Him,
And even if the tears of clouds and the storms of fear shrouded her, isolated her up in the sky,
She knew she had her Creator.

Her rays may tarnish,
As it will,
But she had to be with her Almighty.

Her rays may dampen,
As it will,
But it was just another course of time.

Her rays may stand alone, scorched and hollow,
But it was just part of fate, cos at the end,
She knew, she was never left.
Allah was watching.
Allah is testing,
And Allah is the Most caring.

the Pink one

Compared to the stallion,
The black courts,
Strong and durable,
It doesn’t stand anywhere,
only to be trampled.

Like a woman,
Soles so flat,
Covers  so worn.

To tell a tale,
To confide her secrets and to reiterate the muddy life of a ballerina,
She knew she had a choice,
A pair of specs tht has the power to bifocus, to see the far and adjust to the near.

So she chose the life of a vision,
Her bows shining gold,
And the footpaths she had imprinted.
The imprints she lead,
And the trails she followed.
Blurring out the seasons of cold loneliness, n seasons stampede.
cos no one wants hear of death.
but the warmth of presence soothes her enuf.

hugs of embrace cheers her up.
presence itself is a gift wonderful

Compared to stallion,
Bold and durable,
She wasn’t,
But she was pink in environment,
Soothing to eyes and cheerful as she went.

Her laughters echoed when they did,
And her tears disappeared seeming they never existed.

Her owner called upon her,
She fit in solely
Righting before the left,
Following suit as best as possible,
Through puddles of rain.
As water waddled in with stench.

The pink then once broke,
Its sole left black like the tar on the road.
Her imprints only to be trampled and her laughs to be turned temporary.

As she fought daily to battle her daily scars,
The stallion came once again,
High and mighty.

Blind the Pink must be,
A toddler of age in a shelf of maturity.
Shame on Pink.
Lame on Pink.

I then saw her lay there lonely.
Left to mend her heels that fell sore.
Her heels that felt blunt,
Her heels so badly shaped.
A bad pear on the shelf of strong apples.
The unhealthy choice.
The quiet in the bright.
The walker amongst the higher runners.

But that was her fight,
I saw in the old wooden shelf next to the tough black stallion.
The ball in the courts supports no one of the weak,

Then I picked her up.
Adopt her as mine,
Brought her to places I never travelled and learnt new experiences,
It wasn’t the shoes fault,
I am the wearer,
I decide wear I go,
Even into a big ballroom of dancers,
Or a quiet library full of books.
There will always be place for the cheerful pink,
Even as stained,
Even as tired it is,
Because it is the wearer,
Not the shoe.
The stains make it just another creation,
Defined, not judged.
Felt, not let go.

As the shoe went on,
So did my life.
I wished to be swallowed like the Pink that can wallow away.
But I am the wearer, not the worn,
At the moment, wallowing away as tied as an invisible handcuff.
Still fighting.

Mujahadah di jalan Allah.

Getaran Jiwa

written across time 12.12 n 13.12 3012:

I woke up today not having many plans.
But noeing tht I have a long day ahead, and noe-ing tht I had a long day the day before as well,
So when my mum wasn’t feelin all her best colors again (a continuity from yday itself)
I was some what torn. (later to b put tgthr,sealed with tears)

Back in form 3(or any lower form la)
I used to 'compete' with eshie about having a full attendance to school,
Days tht I couldn’t make it to school was the worst days of my life.
I used to grumble, rumble n go nutty upset.

So tht was me in high school,
It continued to my higher forms,
Obviously la, especially wenever I was absent,tht was the most awesome time to go to school.

Tht was high school.

But not to say,
I grewup completely either, (lol)

So wen today I had to let go hospital.
I felt tht shake thru my bones.
More specific,
My heart.
A funny turn it made.
It shivered its veins.
My arteries though, cooled low. Letting the heat evaporate,
I had put my trust in Allah.

I felt the same way a few  weeks ago wen I had to for go and convince myself tht all tht happens is the best. Especially at the 'hot' age of early 20s.


"Things not going according to our plans is a test of our faith in Allah. A reminder that HE is in control, not us."

Awesome right?
Walaupun now sudah pun a new day,
Lets doa it as a barakah day.
A day of full of classes,presentations n insyaAllah ending with an Islamic camp :))
Ive always wanted to go.
I really do look forward to it :))

Eventhough I do not look forward to skipping class tmr.
But I see tht we have come to yet another, Bismillahi Tawakall tua'lAllah situation
(not tht everything else doesnt need it, but this one needs a special one)

Doa I get the vibrations again today and kindly stay on the deen and faith tht Allah noes best.

What is a rainbow without any rain?


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Telekungku putih

salams state holiday.

There came a time, a point in my life when I used to envy, (well I used to look up la) to those who were able to pray with the cloth around their head, the covers that became their clothes, the socks tht snuggled their toes. It was cool, awesome and great to a certain extent.

It was like, you were so confident of urself tht u can face Allah in wtv u wore. Which mmg should be the condition pun.

But after some days had passed, n circumstances tht did not allow to to b thatttt confident to go prayer in my 3 piece clothing, I resorted to my Prophet's favourite color. White.
(hence the title of my post)

Have my opinion changed about those who wear their daily outfit to prayer?
Have I stopped wanting to wear my daily clothes for prayer?

The time is not yet,
I still have not have had the means to carry it out,
Tudung 60' is not the cheapest in the market,
I am kinda picky when it comes to designs (not saying I the ones I bought are so desireably lawa-ok, except the black n white one, tht is my fav...n the pink one,cos I love pink)
but yeah, jika nak ber-60',then it shudn be the style we're talking about, but the coverage tht we r supposedly concerned with.
hmmm. but i m, well, considerably fashionable (coughs hard-i think i have lost all sense of fashion as soon as i started clinicals-)

other than that,
Its true what eka said, mmg akan lakulah kalau fashion designer dapat bwt pattern tudung labuh yg lawa akan laris.
If they mampu beli la,
Well, as my mom says, sikit-sikit lama-lama jadi bukit, :))
(-she obviously saying it from a moms point of view of a daughter hu mmg builds bukits of things in her room XDD)

Planning to save up for tudung  60's by goin kaen shoppin with eka wen she returns.

Ohmy, byk nye plans with eka,(the other plan was to go LEgoland w her,ontop of the OBVIOUS clerking tgthr nnt-its our annual thing-)
Walhal she doesn’t noe a single thing, and I don even noe if I have the time. LOL.

I do ngidam to look at Prof Muhaya's boutique, but from what I c, I m still not of thaaaat status and class to be able to afford those clothings.

One day insyaAllah.

As I had discussed earlier with Eka,
Jubah itu adat,
Tutup aurat itu mestie!
(we obviously talked about it in lengths, wen we tryin to clear the air tht, us wanting to wear the abaya is an arab thingy, and not wearing it doesnt mean tht we r ashamed by it, cume, Islam is moderation, we r not supposed to make ppl around us feel uncomfortable with our appearance, hence, maybe th abaya isnt best worn in our environment atm)

And tutup aurat isnt tht yards of cloth wrapping ur head to toe only.

According to Ustazah Nik Salida,
There are four components to the aurat.

One. The physique,
-the head to toe except face n hands (but to some feet are allowed)

Two. The akhlaq/behavior/conduct,
-the attitude u carry when u are in public

Three. The sight,
-how ur eyes wander and look into the world, lusting over or praising the Lord of the  Arasy?

Four. The environment.
-I once read, find out whether u affect the environment or the environment affects u? if it’s the latter, get away.

Interesting don u think?
Well I think it is.


And tht is the end of telekungku putih, hijabku menunggu,
wasalam n wallahualam ;)

Monday, December 9, 2013

coloring my monday blues

salams monday.
the first day of the week!

it has had a good start.

but Im still wengweng
wen i met my bestie in the wards,
it was an instant pick me up.
i noe.
dont attach to wordly matters.
but i cant help felt some sort of relief,
some jolt of excitement,
some buzz of happiness.
lik tht instant :))


“We think about our problems all the time, but we don’t think about all the problems Allah saved us from.”

Nasihat Imam Ghazali rahimahullah.

Pintu-pintu syaitan masuk ke dlm hati:

1. Pintu marah dan syahwat.
2. Hasad dengki dan tamakkan keduniaan.
3. Kekenyangan makanan.
4. Kegemaran menghias diri dan rumahtangga.
5. Keinginan mengampu.
6. Gopoh dan tidak menyelidiki terlebih dahulu.
7. Harta dan wang ringgit.
8. Lokek dan takutkan kemiskinan.
9. Keterlaluan fanatik dan taksub kepada mazhab serta berdendam dan menghina.
10. Perbuatan terlalu memikirkan tentang zat dan sifat2 Allah dan perkara2 tanpa ilmu pengetahuan dan di luar akal fikiran.
11. Sangkaan buruk sesama kaum muslimin

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Leprosy of the physique, and of the heart.

ppl look at the world, and they get preoccupied,
so they long for the beach,
washed up on the sands,
as they crash hard.


hati tenang, adalah hati yang menang.

how long will i love you?
as long as i can.
how long do i need you?
as long as seasons need to.


hatin yang tenang hanyalah dengan mengingati Allah. ;')

I thought that the packed up reading, back to back youtubes over the holidays would withhold the torturous roads of fourth yr.
but then when did knowledge ever get enuf?
when did mujahadah meant a sprint at a sports carnival?
and when did the soul ever be free of waswas and syaitan?

just like how our body gets hungry,
or how we sometimes seek recognition in our results,
or buy a new set of clothes for new year.

tht is how we need to replenish ourselves.


i write this entry in ending the year with the best posting ever.
i shant use words of negativity as how i used in the beginning,
as an ukthi asked me back,"what r u afraid of?"

the ultimate and sole answer should one and only be Allah.
as an experienced physician once adviced me to pass my medical exams, bcos in reality, medicines, drugs, management would all change.
true what he said,
to pick up the principles and the fondful memories.
but little (or much) did he leave out,
the part that,
what is this 5 years?
in which some of my extended friends are married,
some may have gotten children,
some have ventured into the world of carriers stress,
where does Allah lie?
where will my grave stand?
where does my heart stay in the eyes of Allah?
where do i stand in front of Allah?

betul lah.
betul sangat.


you noe how ppl taboo the lepors?
and how ppl with leprosy are isolated?

what about those with the heart so necrosed?
what about those with hearts dying?
what about those hu have hearts tht feel lik falling off?

i wish i just could stay away.
run away
and recluse myself.


i now noe y the wise prophets used to all go away to the mountains to live one with nature.
to cleanse themselves.
just like the mist in the morning dews.
just like the sunshine rise at the horizons of lush green mountains,
just like that wake up call Allah rings.


wallahu alam.

Sunday, November 24, 2013


I write this with a confused heart,showing how weak I m. Just another creation of the almighty. As curly as my long eyelashes go n as pearly .   whitevwidd smiley goes,I m just a mere creation. Not worth of ur tears. I m not worth of ur love. A bucket of tears for me will not suffice the single drop of repentance to The Creator tht can vanquish the heat of hell.

Letme go.
And turn.to the one tht will help us all. Allah.

Astaghfirullah hil azim

the day sebelum.

as u would noe,
salams from the sickly,
wobbly legs,
sniffly nose,
half drowsy susuafifi.

yupyup, u noe wh sniffly noseys and wobbly legs signifies!
its exm time!

exm public health,community medicine, ent n ophthal! amekkau!

and wat better time to blog than the time of stress!

after my health education  programme of #letsrecycleorgans
(lets spread tht palang letsrecycleorgans)
i sweat profusely draining my shiny grey tudung..resulted thought of high metabolism, but actly me kebah-ing, (only discovered later-wen i sill profusely shed sweat in the cold air-ed airconditioned room) yeahhh..
so boring topic there.

as i sit in the lapang halls of the masjid uia,
i c people running ard int heir uia robes to take photos everywhere.
and i got excited,
im lik,
"next yr 2 of my besties will b graduating!"

bi n tyra!
n the follwing year, ME!
and ofcourse none other, mimi too! hehe!
n (spposedly) my mom n kiwa!

n i tot this yrs convest was awesome,
i noe next yr's one will b more awesome!



tu je.

i need to get back watching my youtube. since i cant concentrate reading.

doa for me!

cme pre-presentation
siap pakai makeup.
#smething very rare
and my makeup cair by midday.

yea...i m not gona b a beautiful bride,
but i dint noe u need to b a beautiful bride.
cos i sure fail la kt situ :((

crapcrap-in sebelom exm.


Sunday, November 17, 2013

Switched at Birth

Salams Sabtu petang dari bumi yang dibasahi hujan Gombak.

As i sit here in a local starbucks, let me reitereate to you my wonderful class trip to the Malaysian Federation of the Deaf in Puchong.
As 'far' n 'winding' it went, it was actly super close to my house, and not tht far from shah alam if you ask me. As i took my own car from behind of the bus,I saw the bus swaying and swifting right and left on the slippery rainy roads. (Honestly, i do not noe how i was on the bus for 2 consecutive days to Gombak) =.="

SO anyhu,
despite not being on a class roaddatrippa on the bus, (which was lucky to certain few--refering to those hu love to sleep. ngeheh--as a certain 'photographer' had taken the wheel into their own hands of her white horse) i think mimi has given up sleeping next to me. (cos i just love taking her pics too much) hahaha..

but not to worry,
never shall i reveal all those beautiful pictures of my darling classmates hu sleep so well on the bus to the internet world.
(unless wit the consent of the person)
though seriously, i don c y they wont let me. cos ive gotta say this, my friends seriously look nice while they sleep. #jealousla hhe..i look all chubby and tembam je wen i sleep. actly, i don noe tht, well, bcos, i wud b asleep at tht time,AND I NEVER sleep infront of my friends. NEVER.
XDD *takboleyh belah smile*

coming back to what i really wanted to blog.

as u may not noe,
i actly lik this one show on 8tv,
it plays every tuesday night, and i actly look forward to watching it.
and as i went to eka's place n saw the newset season on fox/starworld or wtv, she said,"this show?"
lik it was the most boringest show ever.
i love it.

and i think it is cool.

bcos its the only show tht revolves around deaf people.
it actly potrays the language of the deaf
and i m so intrigued.
even my mom doesnt understand y i love tht show so much.
cos seriously, put aside the lame drama (or maybe not so lame) of teenage high school rebel meets downtown mediocre excellent kid.
kinda cliche.
focus on the part tht they talk in sign language.

i actly knew a couple of things wen we went to MDF.
a couple refering to two.
the sign for "tahu"
the other,
thank you.

but as i bought the pocket handbook and flip thru,
there have been a few more signs tht i am ratehr familiar as i watch the telly.

the deaf language is universal.
bcos it is the language of symbols,
and u cant really runaway with symbols.

i now sign whenever i drive or when im bored,
and my mom thinks its strange.
id love to go for the class with a bestie and learn the sign,
then off we go signing to each other while the whole world need not noe wht we 'say'

the classes are really cheap!
150/200 per month,
aka once a week for 2 hours.
and the total length is 7 weeks,
and u get a certificate (ohyeah, theres an exm too--thts y best klu pergi dgn geng, boleyh practice--since my mom kate, ill neve really meet any more deaf people after this T.T)

thts all,
sorry if i sound lik a ten yr old.
im kinda high on toblerone.

"the tongue is the biggest source of dosa,"
how lucky for those hu sign,
they have to think before they sign.


Thursday, November 14, 2013

Why fit in when u can stand out.

Salams malam jumaat.

As a tv character once said,
"im not sure if ur mad, or a genious"

year 4 mbbs

urban health and community medicine must be one of the most dreamiest postings ever.
its lik,
the only tym ur forced to bring ur lappies to class, u actly sit in class for hours to end, you go for field trips and you learn maths.


sometimes (majority of the tym) we arent sure wht to write in our notebooks, bcos its either graphs, or things tht seem to general lik how to NOT breed aedes at home.
things tht u learn since u were 5 back in tadika.
but somehow,
its super important,
as we were briefed by one of the super doctors there,
one of them was actly doin his phd in public health,
i sincerely wished him all the best.
i once saw me as a future public health specialist, since im all about goin out, meetin the public n talking to people. but oh man, the classes are long.
and i keep tryin to imagine how id handle the class differnt.
i figured it out.
though itd take alot more effort.

specalisation seem far away.
though i automatically am already a fifth yr soon. (no fail/repeat of fourth yr alhamdulillah)
but tht only means one thing,
hello pro 3.

my exdean was expecting me there with u.
as i slowly approach u my dear pro 3.

i m majorly weng-ed.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Its not the 60' or the yard of selendang.

salams maal hijrah,
though it is now about the fourth day into the new Islamic calendar of 1435Hijrah.

As it was a culturally new beginning new year, as my classmates and I started it with a long 5 day weekend :))

And now,
with our next short posting,
community medicine and urban health,
its rush rush rush.

busybusy november, as the 25th marks our examination.
and I, as the daughter of a PhD student,
im all about research,
as i had spent my weekend researching for my mothers work,
i fall back to my medical life with our own pot of research.

my whole lunchgang and i had a lack of sleep last night as we became legal aids of health legislation,
oh boy,
i can c the faces of my classmates tht lit up wen i went up to present in my all black and white outfit 
(nak dapat feel lawyer)

but too bad my presentation is always the shortest n sweetest.
as my form 1 teacher always reminds us,
keep it short & sweet.


i m in dire need to sleep.
but i too wana get on my research and my 2 case write ups of ophtal and ent,

lets reflect back my day.

(at times)
i wonder wat days wud b if i hadnt had any responsibilities,
days to end, tht i could come late, drive my own car to whereever whenever how ever long i please.
laughin out loud with my friends,
shop around,
lepaks and sepaks. (tryin the malay slanga)

then Allah replied.

I got my taste.
a pinch of diabetes sweet in the hot day sun,
sweeping the edges of curiosity.

then i noticed,
that seat alone,
that silence of 4 windowed walls,
and tht breaking red jam,
it was all too well,
all too perfect for me.

I sometimes
(most times)
just step back,
sit back,
and look out,
at the littlest things in life,
and I cant help but let out a smile.
a smile of appreciation,
a small doa i make for those and whom I love,
thanking Allah tht He gave me a life I could never have planned out for me.,
He had taken it once away, and can take it away again and again,
but He decided tht it was mine for today.
Happiness was my rezeki in tht moment of happiness,
and silence of observation was my moment He blessed for me, a reminder the anatomy of the face.
the structures so symmetrical,
a mouth at the centre,
but the ear n eyes tht aid the body at all the peripheries are worth even more.

Thank you Lunchgang for teaching me the "habluminnannas" of the HabluMinAllah Habluminnas.

and at times i feel my heart broken,
as i see it misplaced,
i leave it there lying and heal it by looking back to the Creator.
Isnt tht wat we do when our printers break down?
wecall the manufacturer?


November is a month full of birthdays.
and activities.
but what is man if it is not all these worldly matters tht they keep themselves occupied with, tht they chase to show the pearls on their necks to the rest?

Doa-ing for strength to Allah tht the only pearls i get are those that lead my family, friends and i to jannah.
How awesome tht my manufacturer allows me to collect these pearls in every nook corner i go through daily.
A rich, bountiful manufacturer dont i have?


Thank you Allah,.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

Innate lessons.

Through thick,thin,separation,kedekatan,bertekak (dlm hati atau bertentang mata), smiles, laughter and tears.
i have the best companions :')
family and sahabah 


just wen i tot i was gettin further away,

I heard a voice i missed.
as i woke up from a nightmare,
things tht i miss so much,
something else fell to my lap missing me.

And my heart went,"boom boom boot eh"

it literally missed a beat.

*smiles quietly as i look down at the floor*
*or maybe i laughed out loud-in the gelakgulungguling manner in the library bcos thts how i layan perasan terharu*

I wanted to cherish the moment as much as I could.
So i let it pass,
not with the sounds of crickets after the rainfall,
but the silence of zikirs of thankfullness to Allah.
He has never let me down.
He has never let my tears go to waste,
He took all things away to make sure we are all aware the beauty of friendship, the beauty of relationships and the beauty of happiness.
An art tht we need to acquire,
one tht we would fall again and again if we never learnt.

As a quote once said,
the same challange will present again and again until one day, we have learnt its lesson.
but then again,
as an ustazah once said,
the fact tht we're in perfect health shows tht we are in all the more reasons to b suffered with illness.
this obviously goes to everything else.

As the Rasulullah's hadith, of 5 things before the other 5.


So thank you Allah. :)) #alhamdulillah
I believe as long as its sejajar with Allah's commands, I cant b negative, and even though i might still fall for negativity at times, I know Allah has planned it all for my own betterment :))
hehe :))

Sunday, October 20, 2013

A meaningful birthday :))

salams dari seremban,

as i turned away from the surburbia of petaling jaya and flee away oncall as a daughter to my parents,
i get a weekend birthday away in the next door state of negeri sembilan.

two days after my official 23 years of life on this mother earth,
i am writing in how i have had a very meaningful day on the 18th october this yr.

it rendered me speechless many of a times.
i guess a talkative n bubbly person when too shocked or way pass their happy threshold,
they are thrown off the grid of words.
i turn one kind of giggly.

Well as an ustaz once said on ikim, the capacity of words from the mouth, is too scarce to describe the feelings of the heart.
the heart holds things too complex tht the mind cant digest into words.


i textd Bestie Mimi at the end of the day,
"I couldnt ask for more."

Since I was a little child,
as being the only child.
youngest cucu.
birthdays have always. always been a huge thing.
(well not as huge as ballroom dances and big posters plastered on walls--but big enuf for a lil girl like me)

but now,
i have finally learnt the essence of quality trumping over quantity
not saying tht i havent been aware of this before.
an not saying i am new to this concept either.

as my mom says,
"masa mama dulu xpernah ade cake"

added with eka's call,
"i noe how big birthdays are to u,unlik me,"
they understood how googoogaga i go over birthdays.
terima kaseh mama n eka :*

thank u Allah for waking me up in the middle of the night to pickup eka's call.
as i anticipated it all thru the day.
but wen i heard her sore throat,
i just got worried,
and doa she gets well really soon!

even tyra pun wasnt really well these past few days :((

there was another person tht was so eager to wish me these past few weeks,
but wen the tym came,
never did.

but I have finally felt the sweetness of bersyukur.

i noe there was a hikmah.
and u cant imagine how much happier i feel wen my birthday passed and i never got the wish :))

all those so called "fun" "crazy" tings tht i always dambakan (ohkayh,melayu bombastic)
i have finally come to peace tht those things arent necessary,
just lik my blogpost header.
*a gift is not necessary for ur survival*
so thank u for making me understand tht!

so all in all,
the Best gift of the day was,
Allah's gift.
gift of feeling kesyukuran.
Lahaw la wala quwatabillah hil aliyyilazim :))

i feel just so overjoyed,
even though the :"curse" of my birthday had befallen.

wat "curse" u ask?

it is a "curse" that on my birthday,
banyak CLASS! n confirm therell b a presentation.

its always a busy day.
i think i noe y.
because Allah noes tht i love being kept busy.
i kinda die of nothingness,
and RARELY get bored in nothingness, (as u wud noe,refering to lesser bloposts compared to my younger days)


thank u bestie tyra for being the first to ajak me out for my birthday treat. :))
and cant wait for bi's lunch treat too! hehe!
lunchgang and i!
thank u lunchgang for bringing me out proper for a lunch!
a lunch lik non other at my fav spot!!!
sushi :))
cos i noe some of  u guys rnt really a big fans of sushi.

thank u classmates for singing me as usual at a surprise.

okayh. the list of thank yous can go on and on.

lets just say,
my birthday just isnt quite over yet.
bcos everyday u are rebirth.
rejuvenated and sculptured into a better muslimah daily insyaAllah :)

besides im already off busy-in with a seminar tomoro.
work on my moms assignment.
and save my energy for this evenings drive back to pj. :)

thank u everyone.
even if u dint read ur name here,
u have to noe,
u r insyaAllah in my doas.
and tht is all i can give u all back in return for ur beautiful wishes and tots with me on the day 23 yrs ago, i was born.
the day i cried out loud to the world,
n i teared back again the end of the day,
23 yrs later.

#tears ofjoy

midnight collage with my beautfil doctortobe niece izreen!

nur marjani couldnt b any sweeter!

jazakallah khairan!!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

twennietwoooo ooh oh!


on the last day of bein twennietwo,
id lik to say,
i had an awesome ride.
if they said, some of the best roller coasters was in the USA,
i'd say, mine was right here in malaysia.
right here where i was all around,
be it hospital klang, the shah alam area, plain ol pj, or anywhere i seem to step foot on.

but most definitely,
the times tht hav passed thought me a thing or two.
made me sad, made me happy.
made laugh and surely thought me the worth of tears.

life will never be the same again,
people around me, will never be looked at the same,
the experience i go through have now glow in a different light.
insyaAllah a more brighter and positive one.


i used to fear tht if im too happy today,
tomoro i will fall unhappy,
or as yingyang goes,
where there's happiness, there will b sadness,
well now,
i don c it tht way anymore ;))

i am happy because it is a gift tht has been bestowed on me by Allah.
it was my rezeki.
but because rezeki is not solely ours, then we should also then share.
so insyaAllah :) i plan on sharing.
because Allah loves those who gives.

and then,
if let say, there r times i fall unhappy,
i deem less cheerful,
than, it is a moment for me to just step back and enjoy the sadness and perbetlkan lagi myself insyaAllah.
didnt Allah remind us, tht He will test us with hunger and other types of tests to prove tht we truly are believers in iman :))

subhanallah :))

As the takbir is being echoed throughout the masjids around the world.
i m very blessed tht i made it through another yr.
i am blessed,
tht this yr, my bday is a raya haji birthday.


especially i m a hajjah myself.
well,i indeed say this out because i long for gentle reminders day in and day out.
since, well, everything tht u do today will b accounted later,
so shudnt tht include ur friends and all those around u? ur actions and doings and niats?

i am so blessed to have the lunchgang as my daily mutual peers :))
habluminallah habluminnas.

i am also so blessed that Allah never burdened me more than i could.
Baqoroh: 186.

thank u Allah.

wen people repeatedly ask me why i join medicine, and what medicine is all about (well, i think all medical students get tht question alot, and sometimes u urself question ur ownself,..LOL)

my answer would definitely be,
I think medicine is the best field to train urself and to remind urself there is something called padang mahsyar.
bcos daily, ur on ur to feet with nothing but urself (n a whitecoat, tendon hammer n maybe a little notebook) facing ur specialists/doctors/medical officers who question u about ur patients, and tht tendon hammer how u used it, and wat u have as notes in tht little notebook of urs.
its perumpamaan,
or in english,
its analogue,
is just like how u r in the mahsyar later,
u will b there alone to face the king of ALL kings, Allah swt,
with just ur soul and body (which u don even own) and u will b questioned, wat did u do with ur jasad? and wat deeds do you have to claim to Allah?
even bigger of a magnitude,
even the "white coat" tht u wear will talk on ur behalf.
the floor u stepped on will testify ur footsteps.
the ear u listened to hear the heartbeat will come to witness.


so isnt medicine wonderful?

so through all and all,
third yr (aka twennitwo) was awesome. 
it thought me something called nikmat istidroj tht i had overseen all this time.
it thought me if you lose Allah. nothing. nothing at all can compensate.
but most important of all.
it thought me,
Allah is my saviour.
Allah is the Most Merciful and He loves all His creations.

nothing i am more grateful than being a Muslim.
and no one am i more terhutang budi than the prophet Muhammad s.a.w. hu has sacrificed everything for me to learn the religion today.
and to all those other muslims who cherished the word of islam.
apa sangat la contribution saya?

with that,
wabillah hi taufiq wal hidayah,

Friday, October 11, 2013

A week till!


A week till i can NO longer sing,


as i end ENT next week,
i will also end my 22nd yr of life and cross into twenniethree!

oh my, subhanallah.
it still feels alil awkward when people in the hospital ask me,"and ur a medical student? what yr?"
i refrain myself from saying "third yr" haha..

it even felt alil weird wearing whitecoats all the tym..hahah..

oh the lovely early morning rides to the beautifully lush green surroundings of Sg Buloh hospital.
I am so blessed that it is so near to my mom's college :))

honestly, i havent much to say :))
having trouble concentrating this friday!


Monday, October 7, 2013

Preparing for the BEST

SubhanAllah wa bi hamdihi.
All praises to Allah.

I write this piece with the utmost sense of pleasure, happiness and syukur to Allah for blessing me with the most beautiful holiday i could ever have.

Today might be the last day of my third year holidays, as i cross into the fourth yr tomoro when i step on to the grounds of Hospital Sg Buloh as a fourth yr student ready to be orientated and guided to the halls, corridors and wards of the newly built hospital.
As my seniors step into the last yr of medicine.
and my beloved juniors into the hospitals.

I feel so blessed that this day has come,
and officially,"its another couple more yrs" till i graduate.

a couple referring to TWO.

so fast time flies!


i had a ball of a time this holidays.

there may be afew more stuff tht im supposed to do.
but I did try my best to do my utmost.
everyday was filled with something or rather.


From the once u may have read in my blog, tht i said i dread looking forward to fourth yr. I might have worried how im gona go thru my fourth yr.

well guess wht?

"Failure to plan, is planning to fail,"

So i plan to have a barakollah year ahead insyaAllah.

to soar lik an eagle.
to see solutions and overcome problems,
to sharpen my skills,
to see the positivity in others,
and most important of all,
to husnu zohn to my Creator.

bcos at the end of the day.
it was My Creator tht did it all.
it My Creator tht created all.

for Allah is Malikinnas.

May fourth yr be always closer to Allah.
surrounded with angels and sahabah.

goddnyte all.
i may not be blogging for a long time from now.
with tht.

jazakallah khairan everyone!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Things needed in Third yr Clinicals!

Salams there!

Flashing back to third yr,
which alhamdulillah have passed and shall move on to fourth yr this 30th september :))

lets c the stuff we will need in each posting!

one. medicine.
-the normal litman (tht dr house also has..ngehehe) is good enuf
-u dont need to get the specialist one..the cardio one..
-mdf/mdi is also cool...(sbb i lik the colors.. XDD)

-try to get the yellow light, sbb u don wan it to be too bright to the pupils of the eyes of patients..hehe

a watch
-err. for the pulses ;) u kinda need to count erm to a minute kan? hehe

tendon hammer.
-u need tht fr ur cns :))
-the basic 15bucks one is abit the hard..so u can buy the 50bucks one...but mimi n i bought the midpriced one..hehe..

cns kit.
-ok, this kit is extensive. lik seriously. so u kinda need ask r doctors...but kamal sells a 12bucks one..hehe..its good enuf..hehe

cos u kinda need to measure the JVP at the necks nanti ;)

measuring tape.
-to measure liver span..but ruler kan ade ;) hehe..

tu je kot. hehe..

two. surgery

-wajib la kan.

measurin tape

tu je.
yup. xbyk sgt in surgery

three. obgyn.

measuring tape wajib!!!
-duhhh..u wana c how big the tummy is! hehe

tendon hammer!
-imp in high bp patients ;)

ur hands
-hahaha...yeah..cos u kinda need to palpate stuff...feel things..hehe

four. paeds.

u need ur...
child kit!
heres a variety of stuff in there.
which u can order from the local guy..
a basic ABC book,
a bouncy ball..hehe..

then theres the measuring tape,
u kinda need to measure tht fellas head and length..

the tendon hammer.
hehe..reflexes again.

five. primary care

nothing much la.
the basic.

stets, tendon hammer and rulers

u need nothing.
just ur brains ;)
and the MSE..
(mental state exmination)

so basically.
for ur third yr.
sila la prep ur.

tendon hammer.
and pen torch ;)

lets prepare ourselves for a new year!
to my second yrs,
welcome to hospital life!
to my seniors, omg! seniors!
to my batchmates, lets lillahitaala!


just my insights at a glance!;)