♥ Drama Queen ♥

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

tarbiyyah ramadhan insyaAllah

Salams dear readers,

it is the holy month of ramadhan where our good deeds are lifted, the sunat become wajib (in terms of pahala) and the wajob is uplifted by many degress (i heard in my surau aritu, 70 kali!!! BANYAK tu!)


so as i came back today from my terawikh frm the surau which is only about less than 50 meters away frm my house, i c those hu live further away so lucky.
because fr every step they take to the surau, Allah elevates them from one dosa.
and every step they take back home, Allah gives them one kebaikan.

i shant talk more.
as my exms draw nearer,
but alhamdulillah,
it has been postponed to 22nd july till the 31st of july.
evn more needs to be read up,
especially in this holy month.

in the beginning, i was lost, and was torn between the benefits of ramadhan and studyin.
alhamdulillah Allah answered my question my friends,
the ustaz in the forum perdana said,
insyaAllah, di bulan ramadhan ini! BERLIPAT GANDA jugalah pahala belajar kita!
oh boy was i happy girl :)))

thank u Allah.

as a sleeping lullaby,
i googled: :tanyalah ustazah:

u guys should too!
bcos i dont hv channel 9 on my telly!

Tanyalah Ustazah - Prof. Muhaya - Bahagia dan Membahagiakan (part 1)

syawal nnt kita sharing tarbiyatul ramadhan ek! bcos fr now, i have a lil diary :)) hehe


salam ramadhan mubarak! :))
sesungguhnya Allah tidak menolak doa 3 orang.
1. pemimpin yang adil.
2. orang yg puasa
3. orang yg dizalimi!

guys! orang yg puasa telah dimention oleh Nabi Muhammad!! :))
insyaAllah puasa kita diterima!!!
sesungguhnya, puasa kita hanyalah untuk Allah  :))


Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I stood there like an 8 yr old.

And they pushed her, kept pushing, right till the edge.
She then stood there. all alone, still.

like at the edge of a cliff,
the wind blew into her face,
this time,
it was  room, four walls, an old coined heater creeking its sounds.
In this cold street town.

They came back again to taunt her, she came rushing to me, kneeling she was not, crying she was not, only asking for ears to listen to her voice none heard. to understand things she understood all to herself. Reliving the burdens on her chest. Insecurities that haunted her, a past that dwelled, impact so harsh.

I just stood there, eyes not blinking, fingers not shifting, breaths equal, and thought process all blocked.
A glass of tear clouded my sight, as she looked straight into my eyes. I finally gave in and let out the smallest voice i had.

She responded.

I breathed.

She walked away, and finally my tears fell. Fell with the shouts that I heard in a distance like the fetal heart sounds on the pinnet, faint. No excitement here.

Tears than befell my cheeks one after the other.

The hurt she kept had burrowed its sorrows deep within her veins, depper than her arteries closer to her nerves. Though physical blow can never be found. No physical mark. No physical evidence. It is all the game of the mind.  A terrible game that brought necrosis to the heart.

The heart.
One pured before isra and mikraj.
Her's necrosed filled with oppression and cruelty.

The gates of heaven had always been her motivation with Allahs eyes on her. But today, when I spoke, nothing seemed to make sense.

I stood there again,
voice calm, breath deep, unable to convince anymore.
I wish the prophet was beside me.
I was like an 8 year old again. no more the aged 23.

She walked back into my room.looking at me with that empty look as i look back at her, phone in my hand, not knowing wat to say.

"I sat at the bustop to cry, I sobbed myself to sleep," she said hollow.
I did not respond.

This is the trials a person face when Muslims lose track that we live for Allah.
Little do they know that their actions affect many.

She then continued empty,"Like the black sheep I am pushed, like a stigma I am left, is this what Allah wants of me?"
I again continued on my phone.

Dakwah is not simple.
It is not uncontested.
It is not left alone.

Its full of trials.
Full of hatred by the opposition.

But it needs to be done.

"But never did I plan,never did I do,"
"well, our dressing is dakwah, our demeanour is dakwah, our 'insyaAllahs' are dakwah, our lives are dakwah, like it or not, even if we feel that it is not in our ability to carry out dakwah, we are the embodiment of dakwah,"
She fell quite again. She looked out the cold glass window, her heart, as tasteless as the snow that fell that evening winter. Warm like the love of god.
I just looked at her, in a country far away from our own, life is not easy, what more if the oppression came from your own people. I continued instagramming.

"Solat, wudhu," I said soft.
"Have I not been doin that all this time?"
I thought to myself,"Astaghfirullah, do you not see the beauty of solat, has it not seeped into your soul? Have you not questioned yourself to raise awareness and taqwa in all your actions?"
She then protested,"Are you trying to nullify what I've been telling u right now because i have not solat yet?"
I then seeked pardon from Allah,"Astaghfirullah, arent we at the end of day, human too, it is not only the support of Allah we need, but the tools Allah gives us in the form of moral support and human beings for comfort," I looked down, as she continued her story.

It has been awhile since she had let out her feelings.
I had actually quite missed it.
An ear sore it may be. A burden to others. A psychological matter to some. To me, its life.

I then made doa.
It was the only I could do.
It seemed exactly what I would do even 15 years ago.
But this time, I understood. I finally understood what she had been going through. I finally saw what she felt. I finally felt what she felt. All the things I had been going through, it was all to make me realise that the world did not revolve around me solely. People had their feelings too. And this world is purely temporary, and many times we forget and get carried away, hence forgettin that there is judgement day waiting, with barzakh in the graveyards to wait for.

Hence, these trials,
all these oppresiion,
tears of anxiety,
humanly insecurities,
they might be a misery of one fellow ummah, but another muslim's responsibility to attend to to pick up the pearls and diamonds to light up our palaces of paradise insyaAllah.

I then turned to her,
And with a warm embrace in the cold winter evening, we snuggled with fierce sobs of sadness, which then turned into quite cries of doas to Allah subhanallahu taala.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Happiness is..

July has been revealed! and another week or so till ramadhan!

so excited!!

they all keep posting stuff lik,"letme live till ramdhan," all over instagram,
n im lik,
mmmm =.="

yeah, i don really get it.
i mean,
if ur gona die, death it is then,
but wtv,
im supposed to talk about happiness!!!
(but if death is ur happiness, then...mmm.. well, ur still alive--reading my blog---so appreciate life, it is a blessing to be alive! some little children don even get to c the world! and some of our friends have even left us in secondary school)

bcos july,
i have challenged all those around me to do the july instagram photo challenge!!

and today's theme is "happiness is"

i feel happy at the moment :))
i hope i get to capture a good happy moment today.
it has been a long time since i have thoroughly smiled happily in a picture (hence less selfies)
but my niece alyssa took a picture of me the other day, i looked rather happy (and garang/serious) while i was coaching her abang :))
but i cant put tht picture up bcos i was at home n tudungless XDDD

i wanted to suggest to eka to have a photoshoot just us before she flies..
as i was thinkin of just laying chill on the grasses of the park,
lookin at the sky,
and imagining shapes in the clear blue sky.
since u kinda appreciate stuff more clearer wen things gets super hazy..so once u release urself, its like...wahhhh..hehe...
no need to play kites.
just bentang tikar,
and zikrullah.

that will b the most blessed (and calm/peaceful) picnic ever.
with the company of angels insyaAllah

the reason y i dint mention about food is bcos i was planning on having it during ramdhan.
sitting on the carpet of green lush grass.
with the wind sweeping ur face.
the lake, glassy its water, shines the sky.
with clouds, lik cotton candy above u.
and us,
reciting the beautiful verses of Quran.

i think its just beautiful.
just sitting there, sprawled.
thinking about Allah, our lover, in the best way.

so peaceful.

my friends,
is my happiness.
"building castles in the air' they say.
i say,
"building castles in paradise,"
for us,
our parents,
fore fathers,
family members,
and our beloved sahabat.

lets all do this.


i wish mimi wud come.
and even tyra.

it wud b awesome.

sisters till jannah.

wat better time to silaturrahim than ramadhan kareem?
the month full of baraqah!
(if last month i asked Allah for a baraqah June, alhamdulillah)
(this month, i ask for a fully blessed and a peaceful meaningful ramadhan, one full with silaturrahim)


honestly, i think soul sisters is an islamic term.
(forgive me if im wrong to say this,)
but bcos,
if u think about it,
i love my besties lik my own sisters,
but we come from variably different backgrounds.
different families.
different bloodtypes
with different personalities and characters.

but somehow,
Allah met us all.

and we dint leave each other.
(well physically yes, but still emotionally n spiritually tgthr, dgn kiriman doa)
there must b a reason y we love each other lik we are all families of each others.
and thinking tht we wud all one day die,
are u trying to say this is it????
we r friends only on this walking earth?

as a muslim,
we believe in the hereafter,
whe this world is our futsal field, our tennis court, our war zone and at times, the funfair, something temporary, a place to endure to prepare us for an eternity.
are u telling me,
these lovely people ive met today,
and for years,
eka, eleven,
tyra june 2008
mimi 2008,
will just b memories wic are just memories?
walhal some of these battles we fight on this world was with them?
(this is my contoh)
dapat pahala with them wen we smile at each other, hiburkan hati masing-masing buat jariah kat each other,
tanpa notice, we have done all kinds of good things to each other, niat utk hiburkan hati mereka, sejajar with Allah's perintah to love our muslim brothers as our own.(perlu betulkan niat tht, wateve we do is to please Allah, hence, becoming friends, i.e. baik kepada orang, adalah sesuatu yang Allah sukai, and dapatlah kita kutip mutiara-mutiara syurga insyaAllah)

sunnah rasullulah saw

and ofcourse, inbtwn the happy times, there are those awfully tercakap kasar, tertarik muka, tertak bertegur sapa, tersalah bahasa, tersilap faham.
but kalau gig dgn lidah pun saling tergigit, apatah lagi orang yg rapat?
takkan we just not noe whe they go wen go up to meet Allah???
walhal kalau kat dunia kalau berlekang,
watsapp je terus,
call in the next,
and skype?

so, back to my predicament,
at the time when our tongues will b tide,
wen our body has been left behind on this earth,
eaten up by earth worms n segala bagai,
wen our souls is all tht matters,

this is wen i mean soul sisters.
bcos ya Allah pertemukanlah aku dgn para sisters-sisters aku ini yang aku amat sayangi,
together with all my other muslim friends which has always been dear to me?
together all of us with our loved ones in jannatul firdaus?

so arent we all soul sisters n soul brothers w all our muslim family?
i hope u guys understood wat i had meant,
i dint mean it in a bad way,
and i gave my closest 3 friends as examples,
(n bcos i miss them dearly, i sincerely berniat nak bertarawikh with them all)
bcos of course,
i love all family members already
and my futures family members
all muslimin n muslimat tht i noe,
and even those tht arent even muslims (yet-insyaAllah)

dint Allah blow His soul into us,
there's just too much love to go around.
and today is a new day.
yesterday is to be learnt from, repented and syukur-ed to Allah swt.

so thts my happiness.
but of course,
all Muslim's ultimate happiness shud b:

wallahu alam