♥ Drama Queen ♥

Monday, April 21, 2014

Feeling jadi budak medic.

Oh wat crap ud say!
Suria afifah is memang a budak medic.
Dah fourth yr dah pun!

I don live a quintissential student life.
Not where I cook, clean and kemas after myself.
I live with my family.
Big d?

Im tied to them lik knots of silver strings. Golden in nature.

So I run errands,
Send n fetch,
Jadi drebar mak dan ayah yang bekerja,
Pay bills umah n kete,
And attend social gatherings I have to.

Nothing boring there.

But one thing,
Its time n energy consuming at times.
Fun and responsible la ofcos.

But this weekend,
This weekend,
I was as the malays wud say,'fe-feeling', jadi budak imu .

Macam xpernah?

I rmmbr the olden tyms wen eka was around in bukit jalil bfore she flew,
I sometimes used to lepak at her place,
Go to her condo,
Go to her library,
 c her fav spot to study,
Duduk makan café dye.

Tapi this weekend,
It’s a ball game of a nother venue all the way in seremban as my mom has some work here,
Bak kata my cousin,"wah aiyo petrol,"
I say, "fifty bucks all in a day petrol n tol!"

Not bad kan?
Thank u wuyieo yg bru 3 tahun itu!
I din really feel much when I had to bangun pagi n drive to seremban these 3 days.
It felt biasa.
Daily, I drive about 50 odd kilometres in the morning sending my mom to her college in sri damansara then coming back to shah alam. (or even more if its to klang =.=")
2 hours in the car.
At least this one,
About an hour in the car.
Smooth road,
And toll wasn’t tht much either, 7bucks ;)

So as the quentissential medical student life,
I imagine,
Morning post subuh runs at the gym (since I mosprolly wud stay in a condo/apartment) (n bcos im too afraid to go to the park) (n also bcos im not sure if they have shopping mall gyms in seremban?! Hehe),
Id don my self 2 hald boiled eggs, or roti bakar,
Half cup carrot juice (yummm!)

And off to the library (or in my current case mcd),
And sit endless till lunchtime, at which I go makan sedap, or simple nasi and ikan masin..heee,
Qailullah, zuhur,
Then off to starbucks!

Duk lepak there till way past asr,
And off home by maghrib to cook my dinner.



Wat a lovely life tht wud be.

But id finish my syllabus and study plan la.
As I cover half of my syllabus this weekend.
Awesome la.

Although I am still in paeds study mode today as my friends today all start obgyn.
Another fav of mine.
But ofcos mimi's ultimate fav.

Back to reality tomoro.
Which is my niche.
As my old school friend once said to me,
"serious suria? U wana live my kind of life?"
(refereing to the studious weekends away from shopping malls and leisure stuff)
I spontaneously replied, YES,
I did get to 'live' her life soon after she said tht,
And without it,
I wudnt have scored my spm, tu pun,
I rebelled lik crap at times bcos I got bored of it after a while.
I still rmmbe her face when I replied yes,
Muke smirk yang xleyh blah, tht she knew I wudnt like so.

Am I thatttt predictable? XDD

As I already memorise the roads of seremban,
And blogging it out,
N wasalam as I dig my nose into bright highlighter colors and ace this medical school together with my bestie mimi (hu has been extremely -more- rahjen), and my far away eka hu is off n away in amsterdam this easter, all enjoyging our medical school gruels and awesomeness ;))

Doakan yang barakallah!!

museum seremban

Friday, April 18, 2014


Missing pieces,
Emersing sadness,
Restless silence,
Adjusting feelings,
Just sad.
Understanding as it comes,
Kneeding my heart.

This feeling leave me. It saddens me.

Cos I miss u.
I miss us.
I miss depth of intimacy.

Cos I feel cold in the warmth of sun.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Falling in love.

i maybe a lil hiatus at the moment.

but my life isnt.
alhamdulilah i dint step out of the paediatrics ward sad.
neither was i heavy hearted to leave the clinics of paediatrcs.
it had been a short visit.
but as i bid goodbye to the stff nurses, sisters n doctors.
i know,ill b back.

i fell in love with my career once more.
even if im still a fourth yr medical student.

eventhough as i sat first,
four chairs away, then 2 chairs away then finally next to the door of the specialist i was anticipating to shadow all this time.
and then finally turned down.
i know Allah has a reason for tht.

i fell in love.

i feel my heart blossom these four weeks.

thank u allah.

and today after a long time,
i m reminded,

"when was the last tym we did something, 'lillahitaala'?"


when was the last tym u brushed ur teeth in the morning and remembered tht 1000 yrs ago, the prophet used to brush his teeth too.
tht ur doin it this morning because u wanna follow just lik kekasih Allah?

wen was the last tym u left home,
right foot first,
bismillah with ayat kursi,
niat to go on the road to college/uni/hospital to gain knowledge because Allah has promised tht one hu travels on the roads n paths to knowledge are travelling on one of the roads to jannah?

wen was the last tym u went thru a difficult situation,
not complained
and just doa-ed
reminding urself tht for every difficulty there is ease,
and for every pain a true muslim goes thru, Allah will repay them?
tht Allah only tests those He loves?
and to be happy with our trials?


i noe it has been a long time for me.

an less than 70 days till ramadhan.

im knackered.
and hope all goes well, actly, not well but awesome.



Wednesday, April 16, 2014

8 days of ward.

at the end of it,
it was just,
8 days in the wards of hsb's paediatrics.
i had a fun tym.
a time healing,
heart throbbing,
much learned tym.

as i started today slow n ngantok as i cudnt sleep yday bz downloading stuff n ofcourse stress relieving myself. (aka blogging). -macamla stress sgt-

goodbye hallways tht i sometimes walkup n down cos i don noe which patient to approach,
cos i was afraid. -where can i buy bravery pills i need a daily dose n booster of tht la!-
then i learned, things need time.
clerking needs time.
learning is a procss u have to learn how to feel abit blurblur, abit low, abit not so good.
but im happy.
Allah gave me a good posting after a really bad tym last posting.
but there's still room for improvement.

ill miss hsb halls.
ill miss paeds.

may obgyn b even more barakatullah.

goodbye dr H the HO i used to ngendeng back in medicine tht i never talked to this tym round.

tiada gambar di hari akhir today.
except a super poyo picture of le bestie n i in the doctor's room.
i xpoyo.
dye je poyo.
for the first time.


Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Not yet a Houseman.

The second last day of paeds ward has rendered me alil emo.
Or maybe its something else.

Not being a houseman can be of 2 extremes.
Extremely lame cos u cant do anything n ur lik blurblur liddat.
Aka u follow rounds n ur lik wat tht? Wht this?
Can I do this? May I help tht? (or sometimes words don come out pn sbb ur too bloody nervous. typical msian penakot =.=")
But two.
Extremely cool cos ur not lik responsible for ppl YET.
I can still go run down buy gula2 if I feel lik to.
I can sit down in btwn clerking.
N go solat wenever.


Wen mimi told me her high school bestie has finally gotten her results yday to officially become a doctor,
Im lik.

I mean, awesome!
Lik tht tym wen my high school bestfriend too had graduated as Dr. too!

Ade la rasa seram sejuk lik,
Thts gona b me next yr. 

Whether bagus tak, (MESTIELA BAGUS) tapi mestie la scary jugak!

So today wen a bunch of 'interns' or attachies or in plain terms, budak tgh cuti tapi pergi practical,
Looked me n mimi up n down,(ok,maybe only me, since I was the one yang duk mintak ikot wardround =.=")
No,they werent checking us out thatttt wayyyy. pfftsz..i was too selekeh today (mo selekeh than usual)
But it was,"hey,look,we got the acute n isolation room wardrounds, u meh?"
Arghhhh @.@

I totally need to blog this out.
Cos one day ill look back,read this post n go,
Omg. I went thru tht?

I even watsapped orang jaoh, mengadu geram.
Sian dye,
Bangun subuh yang syuruk at 540, baca hate watsapp geram.
But then again, tu la function bestie satu course!
Jaoh ke uk, tapi sbb grow up tgthr, tak rasa distance, and thank u to daylight saving time,
Yeayyyy! 7hours je!
Eka.cepat la balek. Dah la nnt ke sarawak.
Bila masa kerabu la...sushi la..uia la...sleepover la. n shopping lagi!

Sooo back to today.
Eventho mimi n I had a slow start.
It was a good day!

Lik awesome la jugakkkk!
Especially bila I was mengidam-ing kawasaki disease (yeah,I mengidam jumpa fever n rash patient -salah ke? 0.0)
Allah Maha Pemurah!
I got 3!


Best ah sbb dpt tgk sampai ke management bcos we followed the 'boring-er' wardrounds!
Always believe!
God pushes u away from something to get soemthing else!


kne go thru the boring
n o-m-g moments to get eat u want.
mungkin agak boring la cases tu. tapi i mmg nk jgk tgk.
is it rong?

so get ur objectives right ppl!
Allah suka or not.
ok. shud ask tht more to myself now.

Walaupun attachies tu dapat my specialists,
Teringat kata2 eka,"apa grand sangat pasal wardrounds tu?"
Doesn’t she always have something to sentap me.
In a good way la kan.

Lik a zombie I walked thru the wards this morning at 730.
I left the wards w my heels burning.
And ade lagi energy to blog!


Dr j.
The dreamy HO.
Well u mister,
I will talk about the next tym.


I need to regain my energy as I overused it wen I had gone thru some pains today.
N yet.
Endured the day.
(mcmla the day was so freaking difficult-hence the best part of NOT YET a houseman-sempat relax d surau lagi)


ps- look wat i stumbled upon.
the worlds toughest job.

Monday, April 14, 2014

if life was in color.

it is the last week of paediatrics.
earlier on, i was all hyped up to fotostat a numerous set of paediatrics books.
now, witha new stack of books after i come back from a visit to the ever famous kamal, im happy with the number of books i have.

here's the road to paediatrics.
as i come to the end of fourth yr paediatrics.

to specialise then sub specialise we said.

it seems lik just yesterday i came out from school.
lik just yesterday i left uia, became a kindergarten teacher, exhausted day in n day out with 4 yr olds running around.
oh dear.
im no more in tht form 4.
but a 23 yr old, in abt 4/5 months to lapis my seniors of final yrs to become final yrs.


seeing 'kelabu'.
another storybook my bestie brought to uni was just another plain old site.
she and her storybooks.
tak boleyh pisah. bagai she n her games.

but i picked it up nonetheless.
and :')

it was just the book.
kalau lah duit mara aku xlari budget bulan ini.
sudah pasti aku lari ke mph, cari buku itu and finish it over night.

aku continue ceritaku yang tidak lagi bertitle.
yang tidak tahu aku jalan ceritanya besides its principles tht i have stedfast in my head.

Amy, amirul and zack.
if only you guys were alive.

i c them all around me.
if only i could create more names.

life, the twist and plunge we all go through.

so when mimi said kelabu accepts our writings. u must noe how i felt.
it gave me this happy feeling.
but im so rusty.
and i miss reading.

how can u write without reading?
maybe i have to start writing malay?
oh xboleyh.
lari dari objective.


doa my story completes soon.
with an ending differnt from all those before.

cliche goes another level.

sometimes crossroads u meet just to let us appreciate the straight roads, to wake us up.


i once sat with my groupmates,
hu happen all to be not of the same background.
sometimes its nice to break the niche. (with all do respect i love niches, hu doesnt? but the world unfortunately -or fortunate for diverstity- has super la banyak jenis niche kan?)
and one of them said, out of the blue,"we sometimes overlook all this little things,like how we grow up so well away fro the hospitals and all,"
i smiled.
and cudnt help immediately butt in and said,"thank god, someone thinks lik me, i mean, imagine, we can eat so well, and these patients cant get up of the bed, use ryle's tube, have to change it fortnightly, got complications some more, we;re so lucky,"
she agreed.

we sometimes overlook small things lik tht.
lik the smell of the wards when u walk in the morning.
the taste of water when there is water shortage.
the smell of droplets of rain in the drought.
the fresh air after the haze.


thank u allah.
for people around u that pull u up.
tht allah has chosen.

u feel judged.
u feel the eyes on u.
the shame u wear,
the imperfections u a=immersed with,
and then.
"hayya assolah,"
u kneel down,
u put ur forehead on the ground and all is gone.
miss it once, and ull miss it again n again
fall in love with it. and ull never leave it.

"im not ready" i said.
but then wen will anyone be?
as we swim thru life,
the waves are nothing but tides tht bring u up as u surf on them, or just currents that lift ur body after u have exhausted urself diving.

i may not make sense at all.
not to u.
but somehow.
this is me.
my rant.


It was mustard yellow.

She gave in to Amirul for an outing.
Amirul the architech brought her to the home of all interior designers. Ikea.

It seemed like the best place.
on a plain thursday morning, four days after the passing of both of their beloved ones.

Amy felt the loss.
So did Amirul.
in the silence, they comforted each other with only silence it felt comforting.
their phones to aside.
their life on hold.
so contrary to their night life, the lights, the glitz, the flashing light and the red zones they travelled.
it was their first time in broad daylife. day light. star bright.

Amirul in his silence as if spoke a huge magnitude by sitting by the tall windows of the ikea restaurant, with the clanging of plates by those around. by the self service of their plates to clear the table. the furniture so fresh. it gave a sense of serenity to him, and amy, a person tht felt no strange, no further than his childhood friend Zack, he felt ZAck there.

only half an hour.

their ticket was even free.

but Amy felt the amiss. The barakah she felt with ZAck was lost.

"I dont have anywhere to go," Amy broke the ice.
Amirul looked up, pushed his specs that wasnt out of place.
Amy just looked timidly, like a school girl that dint want to go for PE.
Amirul replied, not surely,"would you like a lift to...?"
Amy just shrugged. "No,"

The conversation just died.