♥ Drama Queen ♥

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Friday Sweetness :))


i had been goin thru a kinda tough week.

so yday,
let me twist tht frown the other way round.
macamla i pulled my face into different contortions la kan.


thank u awak fr chasing after all the 7elevens in shah alam to find slurpee
mimi n me!

and thank u mogy for bringing m around the indian global festival and spoiling lik mad!

i started my day late.
like really late.
but i covered my bases.
and i covered all needed aspects :))

don underestimate late bloomers i tell u.
n im not saying me.
im saying in generalll!

Heard of "Last friday night" before?
Well if u havent,
Go google up katy perry.
Im having a knacker fr her songs at the moment.
She breaking the 'blondies' trend tht I normally like.
U noe..britney spears..hilary duff...ellie goulding..
All blondes.

I have a thing for blonde singers.
So if u wan me to fall fr u, go blonde.

jilabi sweety
Which sounds lik jelly bean.
But so much better.
its oficially my favourite ladu!! 
But the best so far must have been the one mimi's dad bought frm spore!

But this jilabi was way beyond sweet bcos it was a treat from the sweet sweet mogy!
mogy n i

She spoiled me with sweet after sweet!
N treat after treat!

Such a cheat to my diet life!
N wen I stood on the scale this morning I was ohmyyyyyy! *gaspgasppp*

But I wudnt turn back tym.

Cos I was living my watsapp status!
"socialista" XDD


Although this week was rough in its own way,it resolved. Alhamdulillah. Cos honestly, I cant handle drama. Too tiring. Eventhough my lunchgang nominated me to act in place of siti saleha! Cos u noe...she n her slang...don just jive w the alim figure she seems to hold in all these dramas n cerita nowadays.
Not judging.
I think its good they chose her, so tht she learns something. And honestly, I cant really think of any other actress tht can really carry such roles (well except fr me, but hey, im a medical student *shrugs cara poyo*)

I then imagined,
A life  if things were to carry on like this.
U noe, if I had lived away frm home,
What a life id live.
Besides the gym life I had once described before,
I think, my weekdays wud be,
Subuh n quran,
Followed by carrying a bag with my day baju, as I scoot off to gym,
After about a 3 km run, I hop off to the hospital,
And end the day late, mosprolly with an oncall,
At which I come back bfore asr to sleep in n reenergize bfore I run out into the world fr the oncall.

Or the other way round, where I start early in the hospital,
Run for tea in the gym
And go back to the hospital til late,
Where I go scuttle with my friends makan-ing and chatting away giggling.

And Friday nights spent leasuring around to welcome the weekend :))
lik yday ;)

What a nice life.


Bak kata mimi,"some one really enjoyed themselves,"
As I came back in the nick of time fr maghrib.

again, Thank u mimi fr temaning me chase down 7elevens all around shah alam to find slurpee!
To find slurpee.

Do you noe how many 7elevens we went?!?!
From one section to the other.
And we finally found a working machine behind ainaa's house in seksyen 9! Hehe :))
I was a happy girl.
N a nughty girl, as mimi also teman-ed me makan icecream XDD
Set aside my asthma earlier tht day.
Alhamdulillah I was fine.

So tht was my awesome2 Friday,



fourth yr med stud in the emergency department of htar!

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

kenapa tak husnu zohn sikit?

husnu zohn.
aka. bersangka baek.
aka. to not draw negative conclusions, instead having an open mind.

"bcos i noe her so well la" liddat orang jawab.
as i once discussed with my dear friend,
its much easier to husnu zohn a passer by, then a person u live with.

i mean, y not?
a passer by tht ur only gona encounter mosprolly once in ur life, rather than some one tht u have to face on a daily basis right?

as i once mentioned,
if u were asked people to die fr Islam, a line of people wud come up as fast as lightning, but if we were to call people to live fr Islam,
buttt how many wud actly come up and line up?
to live day in and day out following the sunnah,
to abstain frm the wrong? and not listen in to tht meme, or to not join in the sarcasm?
to wakeup every morning with a doa, and not just flip ur fon to c if theres a watsapp txt waiting fr u?
to enter the toilet with the left foot, reciting, may Allah protect me from syaitan everytime u enter.
to eat with ur right hand, and abstin not from haram food, but from haram sources such as riba and stealing whats not urs.
to cover the aurah, not jus wrap it up.
to pray on time, in congregation? not to put 2 solats tgthr right at the last minute.
and best of all,
to remain the calm attitude at all times? and not fight even when its clear cut tht ur right but ur against ur mulut celupar enemy?

just as how the prophet had always been calm to all those around him,
not even to the woman hu used to throw things at him,
not even to the blind man that used to talk bad about him while he fed him daily,
not to the family member tht betrayed hm, not respecting him,
not to anyone at all to lose his temper.


wat are our sacrifices compared to his?

to wake up in the morning smiling to our parents?
to put down our phones at the dinner table,
to drive according to the speed limit on the roads,
to respect all those around us irregardless of their rank, gender, age, race and background.
to quit sarcasm n inapproapriate responses to conversations?
to care fr people around us sincerely, and not whts on instagram, facebook or tweet it out?


many at times,
wen we come at crossroads tht we do not noe where to head,
we take the shortcut and assume the worst,
when a friend doesnt pick up the fon, we assume he just doesnt want to talk to us,
when our colleagues dont answer our question, we assume they think we;re stupid and refuse to talk to us.
when a big car drives past, we think they come from a rich, stuck up family,
when am usrah congragates, we shy away, because we fear we might be labelled as a wanabe lame dono-er,

maybe life was better without the handphones, without the 'last seens' and the 'likes'
at least we knew the quran was the last thing to be held,
the face of those we sit with are the screens we look at,
at least we dint need to obsess with whether a person has gotten our msg, or whether the roads seriously are screwed with jams, or people just have a life behind tht mata-less smiles on instagram,
and tht long facebook alim status?

well the list goes on.

but how many times have we just stepped back, and wondered,
maybe my friend isnt all hay day today because she had some issues today?
or her fon is about to die, and there is some major problem we don seem to noe?
or our colleagues themselves do not noe the answer, and are tekun looking for the answer themselves?
or the big cars driven past us are human too, they too have lives filled with their kind of problems?
wat if these usrah mates do really look forward to seeing u?

watching luth mahfuz,
as the passing away of the beloved perak sultan brought tears to my eyes.
it was the remedy i was looking for.

how self sacrifice of the highest order is in fact,
not a person's life per se.
not ending ur pulses, nor ur breath,
but taking the breath of others, (obviously bot by suffocating them-lol-)
by smiling when others are mad,
by reminding others of sunnah even when people seem busy in their lives,
by carrying out the sunnah even in our already preoccupied and preempted routine,
by never ever stoppin istiqomah.

alhamdulillah, i feel ramadhan came early this year.
with the recitation of the quran on telly,
i feel so much more fulfilling,
as i have lost the essence of fulfilment these past few weeks.

ever since i read kelabu by nadia khan,
my writing ability have seriously declined.
as i feel as if i can never benchmark myself against her kelabu.

insyaAllah maybe my writing spark will come back one day.
but for now.
i am in search of my soul.
tht i had lost these past few weeks.

reminded in luth mahfuz the movie,
correct our strings with Allah, and Allah will correct it all.

especially as the hadith went,
when Allah loves u, He (literally) tells the world.
He tells the angels, the skies and all creations of His.
isnt tht wonderful?
i mean,
wat Love is higher than the Love from Allah?
what matters if people love u if the Love of all Love doesnt lie in ur heart?
wat matters more than being loved by the most Loving?
whats the point of trying to raise love from ur lecturers, peers, friends, family and lover if The Lover doesnt raise ur love rank in the skies?
till where will our mere mortal love last if it is not being showered with rahmah and barakah?
how can we maintain a relationship to jannatul firdaus if we cant even get a bridge to connect to jannatul firdaus in the first place?

so today,
lets raise Love to the next level.
Love fr the sake of Allah.
Even as Emma, the fictional character in Luth Mahfuz loved her family, even at the expense of putting her face to shame as her husband turns away from her, she still shows love and sweetness.
lets jihad for this sweet affectionate face and character, even when people detest our presence, even when we seem to not loved.
maybe they memang don lik us,
lets reconnect with allah.

as i once firmly believe,
the hardest person to correct is actly,
no one can correct us besides us.
no one noes us better than us.
it is our mistakes hardest to crrect.


i have been kinda hiatus,(but still writing in private-n rambling in blogs)
until today really ticked me off.

"Kenapa nak pakai tudung? Aku solat je, puasa je, smua aku dgn Allah aku buat,"
 Then now the Muslims provocate further by asking,"orang non muslim pun boleyh pakai kenapa awak tak nak pakai?"

Obviously replied with,"kubur masing-masing, Allah pun tahu hati aku,"

First up,
This is not me being on any side,
Nor is it me pointing people out,
Just a reflective piece as I lay down fr my Qailullah back frm the hospital.
(Oh I miss these kinds of sweet days tht I just can lay my head to rest.)

I have always been some sort of the type tht, niat is important,
Husno zohn la sikit mengapa orang tu bwat salah.
(bcos remarkably husnu zohn always wins)
(bersangka baek is after all selemah-lemah ukhwah-n we all noe ukhwah is lik fillah mann!)

It just got me thinking,

U don have to tell people u washed ur hands, bcos just by looking they can c ur hands clean (or in my case, u can freaking smell the alcohol-sanitizer hospital la obviously-)


U don need to tell people u cleaned ur car with dettol, cos obviously, the smell of dettol wud obviously b there.

neither dyu need to tell people ur a drunk, when they can c ur bloodshot eyes, and tipsy behaviour.

So wudnt tht b the same as our heart n actions?
Of course, as an instagram post once read, "we have to b weary to not b of some ppl hu dispise satan in public, but secretly are huge followers in private,"

But ade ke orang, tht du the opposite?
Is it even possible to b bad in the face of others but sincerely, behind closed doors, and in the car, ur the sweetest angel of mankind?
Was tht really prescirbed in Islam?
Was Islam something for us to be ashamed and to be hidden?
can actions really run away from what is in the heart?
isnt actions really wat ur heart really feels?

Especially when ur in a muslim country tht allows u to practice ur right? (wen we;re talking about religiou actions la kan)


For now,
Im not just restricting it to religious actions n behavior,
But it just crossed my mind about behavior of us,
Inside n outside.

Is it possible tht infront of public we can humiliate others, act as if it dint matter, have a tidak apa attitude,
But in reality, still care about one another?

Is that possible?
Wat more,
Is tht even allowably correct?
yes. thts my question, 
"Allowably Correct?"

Its not the outside tht matters,
(im a sure advocate of tht, since u don really c me a figure of an hour glass, with perfect fair skin and pretty clothes, still, confident i m in this fiesty world-as much as i can la)
But it hurts the inside.
The inside hurts, even if it’s the outer cover was the one exposed.
Just lik our skin,
That burns from the outside inside,
Hence tanning us a shade darker wen we stand in the stand continously.

Idk where this piece is goin.


I wish people just became consistent with their actions.
And of course, a self reminder to myself as well,
Bcos I don’t wana fall into either categories.
Tht is.
  1. Super baek on the outside, tapi bile inside n private alone, ttly different
  1. Or, not caring, and not endahing on the outside in public, but super sweet on the inside.

Cos it hurts,
surely it must b wrong.

cos it hurts,
surely it cant b allowably correct.

cos it hurts,
surely cos it deprives one from dignity. and puts others to shame.

and most of all,
surely Allah noes whts in the hearts of all.



Saturday, May 24, 2014

U took time to memorize me,

Selamat petang
Saturday frm my current fav place in the world.
My lepak place.
My study place.
The place im
The place tht cozs
me to b a lil sengkek this month.

Tapi thank u place.
Thank u Allah fr
this place.

n thank you for labelling me a geek.
i lik dat.
i wana b lik dat till i have to.
another year je lagi.

Tanya la thy
They'd noe.

"Im pretty sure
we almost broke up last night."

As I started my work
today fr my mom,
I clicked on the new
songs I downloaded yday fr my ears to listen to.
None other than the
ever famous taylor swift.

I never paid second
glance to this song.
N it was by accident
tht I downloaded this song.

"You took time
to memorise me,
I'd like to hang out
with you for the rest of my life."

Its beat brought me
back to life.
God surely does noe
how to 'pujuk' me.
Thank you Allah :))

Its as if, it was
singing about wat I had gone thru yesterday.
In the most cheerful
way it could have been.

"And I said,
Stay, stay, stay,"


Bcos sometimes in
There are times u
feel lik kicking the bucket,
Feel lik jumping out
the window of the class,
And scream on top of
ur lungs.
But there are people
in this world that God created, utus-ed to b around u tht just stays.
Tht pujuks u the way
no one does.

Just like episode of
'Raising Hope' this morning on star world,
Where the parents of
jimmy n sabrina were so worried tht their life was so secure, so complete and
so serene. Yeah, they were worried tht they were worry free.
Kelakar la!
Gelak I dengar.

But yeah, plateau
can sometimes b a lil tad boring.
And life some times
just needs a lil spark.


 Taylor Swift - Stay Stay Stay (Lyrics)


A relationship is not built purely on chemistry,
It was the combination of hard work tht was encrusted with trust, love and respect.
Care tht each one played its part, and conscious there is more than one abstract part in the mixture.

"this is the last time im asking you why you're breaking my heart in a blink of an eye"

You may spend everyday of your life with someone,
But its appreciation of tht person's presence,
And the impact on each other,
Is well determined by the hierachy we give each other credit for.

"this is the last time you tell me ive got it wrong"

Thank you fr respecting wht we had.
Thank you fr the telepathy we still preserve.

But I too have to respect myself.
N I respect myself this much to walk away.

Friday, May 23, 2014

fast forward 2:49

if the only bigbang u noe is the science start of the universe..

or the korean one,

uv gotta watch this one!

the big bang theory!

with the casr of physicists yg sumpah kelakar!


its been ages since i bukak.

and wat better to heal my broken heart.

The Big Bang Theory - Appreciate Those Around You

Monday, May 12, 2014


salams monday blues.
the day i felt lik staying in.
just lik how i felt yday as i came exhausted n cramped legs

today i discovered from mimi tht alot of ppl dispise obgyn like me.
maybe she did use the word dispise.
but she said,"they dint quite lik it either"

i tot i was the only one.
but as ppl normally say la,
tak bolyh xsuke sgt...nnt at the end suke jugak.
so honestly,
suka la jugak.
walaupun i kinda set my mind to put obgyn as the first posting i wana embrace in my housemanship..
and u noe wht they say,
they say....
u arrange ur housemanship postings mengikut wat u least lik to the ones u lik most at the end.

and even tho i utterly hate surgery,
THOUGH i cant barely face wat i hate most in the first place.
it might spoil my whole 2 yrs.


im just ranting.
as wat i was doin wen i stepped into mimi's car pagi tadi,
walaupun i was really NOT in the mood pgtd.
but God made us all in pairs.
she was all cheery wen i fell moody back.
thank u awak.

she was hyped.
n it was nice to have someone hyped wen u cant happen to b hyped.

suddenly terasa nak story!!!

i havent even gotten past wat amy n amirul have been goin thru.
been playin all kinds of scenes.

but off i go!
fetching my mom!

doakan exam rabu n friday!
ob, gyn, n paeds!
muke post osce

Thursday, May 8, 2014

2 in 1

salams minggu nak exm.
which was also lik any other week of classes, ward work n blahblah.

but it was something different as my last week in hsb as in intern.
i was partially sad.
it was a good experience.
it had its own bittersweet experiences.
from clinics to wards.
to staff n patients.

so after taking our exmslips this morning,
as yesterday was a wholesomely pack
longstanding day,
mimi n i had our small outing.
"small outing"

on the way home we got out dose of iceblended.
ngeeee XDD

its lik a small tradition we have every tym exams come around to treat ourselves a little sebelom the big ordeal.
and honestly.
i think we kinda deserve it.
bcos it has been AGES since we actly had some time for ourselves in terms of fun.
it had been, EARLY in, LATE out, long clinic corridor hours, long butt hours in the library, or clerking ward works for presentations n bedsideteachings.


it was a short 3 week obgyn.

and we obviously ended with a generous laughter sess with the head of clinical obs.

him: you have to noe the estimated/predicted fetal weight guys! bcos some of u may wana b a paediatrician! and all these PAEDIATRICIANS can get a lil cranky about these babies!
the whole class: *turns their heads to me*


so here it goes.
with wednesday friday exm.



side note.
tryin to go viral on the internet is this picture tht they want guys to pick up chics with books instead of drinks at bar.
i say,
y cant guys just enter a bz starbucks and have a sit infront of the girl and in the most geekiest way ever, putting his thick books on his subject perse, and say"may i study with u?"

melallut sudah aku.

to delay dates till its halal okayh!

Friday, May 2, 2014

Labour on Labour Day.

Dr s, the head of gyane, ajak-ed our class to fel wats it like to go all out in one night n not do stuff.
the whole class was enthusiastic.
alot raised hands when he asked,
while i coughed my asthma.

but tuptup.
it was my first oncall.
thru n thru.

from about 1am the previous day to siapkan my case presentation.
i din get a wink of sleep till the next day's 5am.

i made it.
with 8 more fello classmates.

i napped lik 15mins bfore zuhur.
and bfore i started the oncall,
after our class ended at 11pm,
we sat the benches downstairs and i slept fr lik 5 mins.


i cant rmmber the number of deliveries they have in hsb.
but had quite a few tht night.
some were fast.
some were slow.

some opened their eyes as soon as they got out,
some cried with their eyes still closed.
some didnt cry.


i was in a haze,
and as the night came to an end,
i realised somehting in the hsb labour rooms.
there were these posters on the walls on how to azan n iqomah

i saw none.

they were all merely for the walls to b posted.
merely to be noticed if they ever did,
and never to be practiced.

is it true then?
that islam, quran n hadith are just merely wall decorations in our homes?
not to be lived within our hearts?