♥ Drama Queen ♥

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Every Ramadhan


evry ramadhan i get pulled back.
as if a part of me goes missin thru out the year, and during ramdhan, there is this invisible bait tht pulls out the 'missing me'.

especially with Eka coming back,
idky, i feel lik im coming back to a complete circle.
alhamdulillah :))

maybe Afifah wasnt a really good name to call me. even if it IS my name, it cant stand alone without the Suria-ness.
or maybe im just rambling at the end of a tiring, yet fruitful day.

but anyways,
i really do feel Suria is back,
u noe,
the sunshine of a person,
the confidence,
the thread of happiness i used to carry all around,
the smile,
the husnu zohn thru watever (though occasionally some random -non daily things- tick me off, and i get really upset. but somehow or rather, thts wen -my daily people n environment- pull me back, n i brush the negativity off by slowly forgettin erm,) n continuing my happy-cheerful self.
n most important of all,
my appearance,
i somewhat really noticed how i have declined in the fashion aspect.
lik life dint matter anymore,
but actly,
a big part of me aches n longs tht person to b back.
n i took the liberty tht this ramadhan will b the turning point. -especially wen i broke the record i wanted-
after about a month off the social media.
aka no instagram posting,
nor instagram scrolling,
im back.
n honestly, i really don have the urge to post stuff asap as i used to last time.
n i don really lik telling people things anymore. bak kata mimi,"sapa suruh post kat instagram? tak class uoll"
no one can say such things besides her. well obviously im not saying,"okayh other ppl don say tht!" but wen she says it, it sure is damn funny. hehe
-okayh.. maybe my first post after months was me post-shopping n meeting the ever famous vlogger (hum i used to aspire to become)...but i was supporting the cause they ran for. honestly, i hope they got a good couple of thousands! cos i ttly spent it all over there.-

or maybe because its because it's psychiatry,
n i kinda sumwhat love psychiatry.

no matter what,
its definitely, rezeki,
and the bait was not just ramadhan,
but the Lord of Ramadhan,
that grants even more supreme of a mercy during this holy month.
but His Supremacy never changes.
i am the one tht changes.
thts wen all hell rises open. maybe not the bamm sort of an open,
but slowly but surely.

one thing definitely medicine supposedly teaches u is tht,
life is a marathon,sometimes u slow down,
sometimes along the way it rains,
n sometimes the scene isnt all birds and greenery.
but surely,
the breeze of the wind carries on,
as our pulses keep racing,
hearts keep thumping,
and veins return blood to the heart.

so no matter what,
just keep going.


and the only way i see this goin is up.
i maybe off the blogsphere more now, since access to the laptop is rather cumbersome to me.
(walhal dah dpt lappie baru. haishhh)
so ive gotten a shorter blogsphere tht is thumb-friendly via my fon.
u guys must b thinking,
oh! microblogging? ahh.. twitter.

i say,

twitter is too rash fr me.
and sometimes, we tend to post things without hesitating much of a thought, tht it might harm us.
as a tazkirah i once heard this ramadhan, "we don just fast our tongues, in this era, we have to fast our fingers too,"
for honestly i fear,
at the great day of judgement, our fingers will say things more harsh then we cud have ever thought out tongues cud ever utter,
just like i had always believed, the fingers are truly, the windows to our hearts.
talk to me, i may not utter, but watsapp me, and gushes of letters are typed.

maybe after all, it is good tht if we lash things outs, it is best with our voices, cos then our ears too bear witness to audacity we can actually commit,
unlike the fingers,
the eyes can choose to keep it close, and skip the atrocious monstrosity we can actly spit out.

im feeling my writer of a person coming back,
and i totally found this tumblrblog tht has thought me how to revive stories tht have died,
now its time fr me to choose which story i wud lik to recall.
even if my theory papers are 65 days away.
though i surely noe me,
the more pressured i m,
the more i loveee writing.

i can publish my own 'kelabu'.
and maybe i can write fully in a single language.
i unfortunately chose to become lazy and jumble my blessed head without jargons and street language tht gave me no added advantage, only to hinder my success (ecehh..being positive i tell u!)

for now,
lets chase the lailatul qadr nights.


Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Ramadhan Kareem, Allahu Akram.

salams 17th Ramadhan.
ramadhan this yr has really flew as fast as the wind.
i din feel anything at all.
for all i noe, its already passed the halfway.

my dad too agrees.
where as my mom is reaching her panicky levels of house cleaning.

next yr onwards,
ill try to get the house ready fr ramadhan n not raya.
even though raya is the time of celebration,
true celebration is actly ramadhan.
ramadhan brings everyone closer.
closer to families,
closer to friends,
and most important of all,
closer to Allah swt, especially wen we celebrate nights with prayers and quran recitation,

hopefully ramadhan is a phase i clear my soul out,
and raya is a start of something new.