♥ Drama Queen ♥

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

day two.

in the midst of my exams.

i hereby tap these letter in,
not because i have all the time in the world.
(read: i have internal medicine tmr)

but cos,
u noe,
i had some last minute research assistant job.

i was just about to love tht research assistant job again (read: yeah, i kinda got bored of it at a point of my life) but then...it just hadd to bug me in my midst of finals.

but reflecting back (eceh, baru je abes keje ponnn)

it could have been worse.

a: aku rasa exam ni ok je so far, macam cepat je masa berlalu, best jugak. xstress mana la.
b: kau ni. Alhamdulillah la. Sesungguhnya, Masa itu hak Allah, Perasaan tu pun hak Allah, Allah yang bagi kau rasa tenang aman tu, syukur weyh.
a: hmmmph.
b: kalau Allah nk tarek, boleyh je,...
a: I guess this is where the Muqallibun and also the Most Merciful shows His powers. Only He holds our hearts to give it calmness and avert from fears.

Konklusi: Hati Yang Tenang Menang.

So next tym, Jangan React, Respond.
(note to self, don b a drama queen n act it out, be responsive, and respond well!)

things to learn:
1. When reacting, say,"how do i respond!"
2. When depressed, say,"Oh Allah,how do i make this better?"
3. When happy, say,"Oh Allah, You are Utmost Gracful and Merciful"

and as for today,
and this week,
my fave ayat,
has gotta be,
the doa that JOnah made in the stomach of the whale.

it just shows tht we always get ourselves into trouble,
but to no worry,
we aint need no superman, no batman,
just THe creator of All man and beings,
Allah SWT.


thank u Allah.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

to complete.

its like everyday wajib bloggin nampaknye.

(told u start i blog best -erk,best ke?- when im stressed)

so i schemed thru my blog.
lik just a scroll.
n oh my.

my 20 things about 4th yr?
tu bukan 20 things!

i must have accidentally posted it up whilst i was super mamai sleepy,

so sorry abt tht!
will continues when...err....


Monday, September 15, 2014

without exams

salams study week.
i start my study week with a bunch of carrots (i finally got from cold storage) and a good healthy breakfast of eggs on toast (screw the 2-3 eggs a week regime, i need it for my brains. and i havent eaten any eggs yet this week)
and besides the orange juice to top it off,
i start it with a doa i kirim to my lovely hardworking seniors that go to war today.
that are fighting their hard earn's degree in medicine to book tickets to gates of paradise by serving the ummah as doctor's.

i m so proud of each one of them,
no matter wat their past was.
may Allah ease their fight.
cos this time next yr,
i too wud b sitting for the same examination,
and my finals next week is nothing short of something as huge as that (just that,i get to move on to fifth yr nonetheless of my results, but STILL!)

without finals,
where wud our aim be?
ofcourse if u were a GOd concious person, u'd say, we have an even bigger goal,
aka jannah,
but seriously,
what are the tools to unlock tht gate to jannah?
despite the,
looking at ur mom's face and visitting baitul atiq (ohyeah, doa for a mabrur hajj to dr j and all those hum i noe hus on hajj this yr)
to reap the akhirah,
u have to sow the dunya,
and dunya is basically ur khalifatullah ardi (vicegerancy on earth) work.
ur muamalat (daily interactions) and of course ur ibadah (prayers)

and as a 23 year old,
what else am i best, and more likely accustomed to do at this age rather than study?
(hey! do i hear someone saying kahwen! hahaha! i will kahwen don wory, insyaAllah when Allah sets it to b)
so studying.
there are and were many fields tht i could be exposed to,
that i could have dived in, legs first, heads first or wtv..
but my heart chose medicine,
i forgot.
but then,
when i am in the process of cleaning my room, i found these application forms, essays, all about how hard i was striving for medicine, and im lik,
i really did tht?
i really did want this.

flippin the coin,
imagine if u woke up on judgement day,
and ur on ur way to the blazing hellfire,
and u think,
i did tht (b*tchin abt ur frends,screaming at concerts,making faces to ur parents),
cos i din rmmber tht i wanted hellfire.


im just saying.
thts all.

cos if medicine (Something really good) pun i can still forget y n how much i really want it, and how much i worked to get in,
wat about somethin i didnt want, but (unfortunately) seem to have been damning myself to.

im sitting hear today,
as i wana start my studies,
using the strategy my belioved dr f thot me,
(ppl may not agree to it,but i surely have been doin it all these yrs -in spm la tapi- and alhamdulillah it has helped alot, and when she said, the same tactic can be done in medical school, i was joyfully overwhelmed)
may Allah ease me in understanding these concepts, and remember what i study.

so im sitting, and reflecting,
if there werent any exms,
i wudnt really b sitting here,
never really reflecting on my deeds (both good n bad).
n never really doin anything thatttt beneficial (except running errands while grunting/complainin or just hanging out having my young years days with my bestie or just lepaking at eka's hum is goin back to the UK this friday)
so i thank Allah for this opportunity for exams.

and i believe u guys too right?

if it werent for exams,
wud we realy wakeup at night to tahajjud,
to solat hajat
and to supplicate doa all the time?

we wont.
thats the problem with the Muslims nowadays (especially practicing Muslims in Muslim countries) we take everything so forgranted.

so sorry Allah i drifted away,
or as Ustaz Nouman Ali says, "inching away"


exams are my ticket to remembering the huge pile of sins i created (n im very sure still creating, and i really do not noe how to relief. astaghfirullah, i really do seek mercy from Allah, as sure i noe we all do.)

and with that,
i apologise to all readers tht have read my blog, and blogposts, my words, my typos,
my 'poems'
if i have offended u,
especially to my loved ones tht i always talk about on my blog, and sometimes, i terlepas kata here, (since i am (or was) a better writer than a talker by any circumstance)
i wish i could go back and retake back my blogposts, and delete them (which i mmg intend to ) but i have to focus on exams for now first.
and insyaAllah shall get back to the blogsphere this holidays (insyAllah being the operative word, cos i may/may not have time for that either)


doa that i study well and correctly this study week,
proceeded with an ease of calmness for my finals next week,


Saturday, September 13, 2014

20 things about 4th year.

i have finally finished fourth yr.
technically i have my theory papers.
n my last End of Posting Exams.

for psychiatry n primary care
ohgolly how psych-ed i am!

lets throwback and and reflect back top 20 things about year 4.

1. I loved sungai buloh.
i really did. i had a jolly good tym always being the first to reach, the oncalls my parents seldom allowed me back in htar. actly, my first all thru the night oncall fr obgyn, even if i din really go thru anything major, only a bunch of contractions n more contractions, and ofcourse the labours. (the riony since i oncalled the night bfore labour day)

2. i loved my dates with my bestie. the yr we created the #bfftjf
which later we found out someone else out there was ALSO using the same tag =.=" aishhh!
but alhamdulillah for this yr, we had a ball of a time, looking for cases, presenting together, bst-ing together, thru n thru together :))

3. ent was awesome,
even if it was a full solid one month only, and only shared with ophthal (which i din really enjoy -though thankfully i actly mastered how to use the funduscopy)
but the EOP was amazing, honestly, i don rmmber the last time i had been patted on the back by my teachers,
hence i learnt tht students actly enjoy being complimented and patted on their backs. cos i ttly enjoy it ;)

4. i started dressing up again (??)
well i think so la, somewhere in the middle, i decided to chg fr the better. i dint tell anyone.
and it was long till i told my bestie the real goal of my aim. and what i acly felt.